I've Grown.

Ah, I do not miss Blogger. I have loads of other sites now...

Mike Shinoda FTW
My Personal Photo Blog
My Livejournal (Where I post my new story, All His Glory)
And...my LPFiction account. LPF has been kind of dead since Trash hacked it. Which sucks, I guess.

Who can forget my Twitter? Just thought I'd holler, even though no one reads this.

-All

II.

i went into the almost-bare living room of my pathetic little apartment and sat on the old couch. that couch had been with me through everything--when i told my parents i was, in fact, gay (much to their despair), when i came out to my brother, (he knew already. i was the biggest butch in town.)..so many memories. you could almost see it in the camouflage pattern. ugh, it was so old.

i figured i had just enough time to vent some thoughts--i grabbed the yellow notepad on the little table and a random pen i found between the cushions.

♪ "'what do i do to ignore them behind me? do i follow my instincts blindly? do i hide my pride from these bad dreams and give in to sad thoughts that are maddening? do i sit here and try to stand it? or do i try to catch them red-handed? do i trust some and get fooled my phoniness, or do i trust nobody and live in loneliness? because i can't hold on when i'm stretched so thin--i make the right moves but i'm lost within--i put on my daily facade but then--i just end up getting hurt again by myself..."'

at that moment there was a knock at the door. --*--

>>I opened it to find tommy standing there, all dressed up in jeans and a pink button down shirt.

“What’s cookin’ good lookin’?” he said as he pushed past me into the apartment. One thing you have to love about tommy—he’s confident. And has no sense of boundaries.

“What are you all dressed up for?” I asked, my eyebrow raised. He sat on the couch and looked around, finally looking at me.

“Damn, girl, you look like shit!” He shot up from the couch, looking me over, putting a hand on his hip in that gay-old way.

“Gee, thanks..so why are you dressed up?”

He looked at me like I was stupid. “Because we’re going to the club, hellooo?? Did you not check your voicemail?”

I looked at my phone, again. There was a text from Kim:

Hey, I can’t come over..car broke down. Main st.

I texted back, ok, we’ll come and get you..

I told Tommy the news and we got in the car to go pick her up.

“So..you did it again, huh?” he said, barely dodging a blue minivan, going about 65 down Main Street.

“Yeah..” There was no playing innocent; when Tommy knew, he knew. “This girl named Hannah dropped me off last night…and stayed over.”

He turned to look at me, running a red light. I freaked and swerved the wheel over so we didn’t hit the nice silver Mustang. “Dude, watch where you’re going!”

“You little whore!” he said, winking at me and smirking. “That’s my girl. How was she?”

I scowled. “All I remember of last night was some open-mouthed kissing and dry-humping..so not too well I suppose..” I had a flashback of us naked on the bed, grabbing each other desperately. I shook the image out of my head.

He laughed. “Ah, I’ve raised you so well.” He reached out and held my hand just as we pulled up next to Kim’s broken-down Civic. She got her infamous backpack that had about a thousand severely-opinionated buttons on it and hopped in the backseat.

“Ello guvna!” she said in her amazing (but fake) British accent. I turned around in the seat to give her a quick kiss before we took off. “So where are we headed?” she asked in her normal voice.

“The club!” Tommy said excitedly. I blushed, turning to look at her to see what she thinks. She shrugged her shoulders and looked out the window.

“Honey, if you don’t want to go, we can go somewhere else,” I said sweetly.

She looked back at me with puppy dog eyes. “I just don’t feel like going out tonight. Do you wanna go to the strip joint?”

I smiled. I love this girl. “Anything for you, my dear.”

I.

♪ "'wake in a sweat again / another day's been laid to waste / in my disgrace / stuck in my head again / feels like I'll never leave this place / there's no escape / I'm my own worst enemy...'"

My eyes shot open. I felt my head start to pound. I looked around, wondering where I was that morning. I’d spent the night in the bathroom -again-. I got up on my elbows and looked around..puke on the sink, on the toilet, on my pants...i’d done it again.

I reached for my phone to see what time it was, only to find that I’d had 18 missed calls..16, of course, from Tommy, and 2 from Kim..i hoped she hadn't seen me like this. i turned the alarm off on my ipod and, figuring Tommy would call me back eventually, called Kim back.

as soon as she picked up, she started in.

"GOD DAMMIT LINDSEY!!" she screamed in my ear. my head pounded from the severe hang-over I had going on. "i tried calling you, what happened to you???"

Good .So she doesn't know. "i just fell asleep, take a chill pill. sheesh." i put the phone between my shoulder and my ear and tried to get up. i slipped on my puke and fell back down. then i felt the pain in my ankle...i looked down. It was bruised up and hurt like a mutha. i tried to remember what happened..i knew i went to the party--but not just any old party, -the- party. i remembered people handing me shots over and over again, just thrusting them in my hands like I'm some kind of garbage disposal for vodka..i remembered the dancing..all the people i grinded, who grinded against me...remembered making it back home..but how?..

Kim was still on the line--"hello?? linds? I'm coming over, I'll be there in five minutes, ok?"

shit. i mumbled something in response then started the shower and ripped off my puke-stained clothes. i jumped in, then immediately turned the water on freezing cold. i needed to wake up, to feel icy. i remembered it then..Tommy didn't drop me off..it was..what was her name?

then i heard the banging on the door. "hey!!! uhh...i don't know your name..lexis i think? anyway, i had fun last night, I'll call u ok?" then the voice disappeared and i heard the front door slam.

now i remembered---Hannah. she dropped me off--and stayed over? shit. of course...alcohol does do that to me..

i stepped out of the shower and tried to find some clean clothes. there were none, of course. i haven't done any laundry in about a month--i just keep buying new clothes. i found ones that don't smell like alcohol, cigarettes, or puke and put them on. i cleaned myself up and waited for Kim to get there.

<+-+>

story..

parte sept

I tried to sit up but Mike pushed me back. Trying to figure out what happened, I figured that I had fainted at the sight of all of them in real life. The floor felt bumpy under me—Phoenix’s jacket was under my head. I looked around and found Mike on my right, followed by Dom, Kher, Chaz, Chester, Brad, Phoenix, Bourdy, and Joe. My cheeks felt like they were on fire. I was so sure I wouldn’t do anything as ridiculous as that.

“Sorry….” I said to no one in general.

“Honey, don’t worry about it,” Joe said. He smiled his beautiful smile. I looked at Dom; he looked relieved that I was okay, among many other emotions. I saw ecstasy in his eyes. Our dream had come true.

“Do you get that a lot?” Chaz asked Mike.

“Not….necessarily. But there’s a first time for everything!” Mike said. I beamed, over joyous. “So….”

“You guys really met on LPU?” Brad blurted out. Bourdy looked at him as though to say Dude, shut up!.

I looked at Dom. I figured I’d let him answer this one.

“Yeah…about six months ago. We’ve been talking, emailing back and forth, and when you guys had your summer tour in China, we took the chance. That was last summer; the first time we met….” His voice drifted off after that, like he was embarrassed.

I saw Chester blush and look down. I decided now would be the time to stand up (It had never occurred to me before then). I grabbed Dom’s hand for help. I caught Kher’s eyes; they were full of tears. Happy tears, I assumed. I stood awkwardly around all of them, feeling like it was all a dream.

“Let’s eat!” Joe exclaimed. “I’m freaking starving!”

Mike sighed. “Alright, let’s get in the van.”

All of us lined out to the hotel entrance and climbed on their tour bus. After a few exhausting minutes of silence, we arrived at the restaurant—McDonald’s.

“I didn’t even know they had a Mickey D’s in Britain!!” Kher said excitedly. I grinned.

We all climbed down from the tour bus, and I felt Dom reach to hold my hand. I looked at him and told the rest of them we’d catch up.

Dom and I walked around to the non-public side of McDonald’s. He turned to face me. “I love you.”

I thought I was going to pass out again. “Uh…Um..” I was astonished. “I love you too!” We kissed, sealed the deal, and headed back inside.

“Wait..” I said. “Can you believe this?? They actually heard our story!!”

“I know. It’s amazing. And it’s even more amazing now that I’m with you finally.” He looked down at his hands. “I remember all those lonely nights I sat in my dorm room, wanting to be with you. Just to see you. I would have done anything. And then when you called me for the first time…I cried, to be honest.” We laughed. “But…I just want you to know that I love you. And…”

“I know…I love you too. It’s the same with me—everything. Do you remember the first time we met? Last summer at the concert?” I asked.

“Yeah…”

“I knew I was in love with you the first time I saw you. We’d been talking back and forth forever it seemed like, and I still wasn’t sure. But as soon as the music started, I knew you were the one for me.”

“HEY SIS!! DOM!! WE’RE ORDERING, LET’S GO!!” Kher screamed out the door. We laughed and walked back into the restaurant.

xx

new lyrks

they blow..(mike):::

So you think you've got the best of me//
Think that you have me on auto-pilot
A slave to your wishes, just to keep you here//
Carefree, you think you have me
When the truth of the matter is
You never came close//
My desire to be free will never end//
I just want you to know
What you've done to destroy my life
Will destroy yours too//
Disasterous//
Your desperate fear of me leaving
Has left you with nothing
Nothing but me//
And when I will have gone
You'll try to cut me out of your past//
But eternity will not wait
For your clusterfuck of a life//
You've doubted me for too long
Sharpening your knife for my back
But now it's time for the battle...

_________________________________________________

Candle wax dripping in the dead of your apartment
You shiver in the ninety degree weather
Thinking of the past//
Desperate for a changing future
You want to hold me close
I back away//
I don't need you here
I never will
Your misting lies have divided us//
You think you're so glorious
Desperate enough//
But hypocritical damage
Has done you in...

peace...a π

~~random~~

not attached to the story at all.

I hope when you look back on your life//
You are bombarded by all the mistakes
That could have changed where you are today//
I know that the way you look at me now is unreal//
I watch your eyes glaze over
Like I'm not anything anymore
Just a burden in your
Oh-so-blissful life//
The poison you've caused
Seeps into your skin like venom
As you run from the pain//
Run from everything you've ever known,
Everything you were ever meant to be//
Run to your future, so near
But you can't reach it
Your mistakes have changed you, your path
Now it's the past that will set you free...

____


I know that when you walk into your empty house
You'll see that you're not the only one with feelings//
You'll sit on the piano bench, contemplating your blissless life//
Only to find that I'm the one you need//
You'll realize in your white-trash ways
That you've screwed me and everyone else you came in contact with//
Time is old//
It has outdone your tricks, your lies//
And you'll lie there on the cold, hard floor//
Desperately waiting, collecting dust//
Run down by suicidal thoughts
Devoted to no one but yourself//
And I know I'll be the one to pick you up once more...

xx

not the story...don't look

im only doing this for my history class...cant open email in school.

leasing of government-owned oil reserves

http://encarta.msn.com/encyclopedia_761578596/Teapot_Dome.html

stuff about Albert Fall:

http://encarta.msn.com/encyclopedia_761565470/Albert_Fall.html

sorry guys...school stuff...