parte cinq
There was Dom. In a tux holding a rose. And he looked different--
It was then that I realized that he got his cheek pierced. And it was hot.
"Wh-....how-....wh-?" I stammered in shock.
"I thought you might like it....you always talk about that Victor guy with his lip pierced...I just thought you would like it.."
"I-...I do.." I said. I was trying really hard not to run over and jump on him. "Wow....is that where you were?" I was dazed.
"Yeah...and I'm really sorry about that. It was the only time I had before the concert tomorrow..." He looked like he felt bad about not telling me.
Then I remember that Nik is downstairs. And also what happened between us.
"And why is--?"
"Nik here?" It was now obvious he felt bad. "Yeah...he's moving here to be an artist. He called me when I was on my way to the piercing shop, and I told him he could stay in our room tonight. As long as you don't mind, of course." He knew I was still awkward with him.
There was a long pause. A little part of me wanted to be angry at him for leaving like that. For not warning me that Nik was here, at the hotel. But I couldn't be mad at him. Not with all that we've been through...meeting on LPU...meeting each other for the first time when Linkin Park was playing at the Summer Sonic Festival in Tokyo. I just couldn't do it.
"Yeah....that's fine...."
"Are you mad?" he asked, his eyes looking straight into mine passionately.
"I want to be..." I felt distant. I knew I had to tell him about Nik. "I saw Nik in the lobby....we talked..." I noticed he was hanging on my every word, expecting the worst. "He made a move on me." I saw his eyes glaze over, then he looked relieved.
He got up from the bed. I felt a cold drop of water drip down my neck from my mini-bath earlier. Instinctively I shiver. I couldn't read his face. "Really? I figured he would..." There was an awkward silence. He moved closer, taking both my hands in his. "Are you okay?"
I looked him up and down, taking in his amazing new piercing. I grinned. "Yeah..I'll be....fine."
xx
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
ummm here 4 (IV)
parte quatre.
The guy turns around. My mind is screaming MAYDAY MAYDAY. I feel my cheeks burn; I know they're almost to their brilliant shade of EMBARRASSED. I look at him....he looks oddly familiar...
"NIK??!" I half-scream, half whisper in surprise. It's Dom's brother. But more importantly, my ex. "What-What are you doing here?? I haven't seen you since...well...you know..."
He chuckles. Then he frowns. "Where's Dom?" he asks, like I would know.
"I'm not sure...I figured he'd be down here. He wasn't up in our hotel room..." I'm starting to get worried. Or if he's okay, irate.
Nik and I wait around, making small talk. One of the many things I haven't mastered in my twenty years.
"...So then I was like, why did he do that? The bear was right there!" Nik says, laughing so hard the cheap wine in a styrofoam cup spills on his shoes. I laugh, even though I missed the story line. I was thinking about Dom. And how he would think about all of this.
Then it happens. He leans in for a kiss. I, still thinking of Dom, freak out and back away. He looks hurt, but he knows that I'm in love with his brother. Upset, I run down the hall, up the stairs, and into our hotel room.
Ignoring my trouble to catch my breath, I run into the bathroom and on impulse start to fill the sink with cold water. When it's full, I take a deep breath and stick my head in. I let it all consume me, leaving me numb. Eventually I run out of breath and am forced to take my head out. Once I do I immediately feel better.
I blindedly grab a towel for my soaking-wet hair and dry it off--just enough that it'll stop dripping. I flip my head up--I feel so fresh, so new.
I walk out to lay on the bed and when I get there--there's Dom.
xx.
The guy turns around. My mind is screaming MAYDAY MAYDAY. I feel my cheeks burn; I know they're almost to their brilliant shade of EMBARRASSED. I look at him....he looks oddly familiar...
"NIK??!" I half-scream, half whisper in surprise. It's Dom's brother. But more importantly, my ex. "What-What are you doing here?? I haven't seen you since...well...you know..."
He chuckles. Then he frowns. "Where's Dom?" he asks, like I would know.
"I'm not sure...I figured he'd be down here. He wasn't up in our hotel room..." I'm starting to get worried. Or if he's okay, irate.
Nik and I wait around, making small talk. One of the many things I haven't mastered in my twenty years.
"...So then I was like, why did he do that? The bear was right there!" Nik says, laughing so hard the cheap wine in a styrofoam cup spills on his shoes. I laugh, even though I missed the story line. I was thinking about Dom. And how he would think about all of this.
Then it happens. He leans in for a kiss. I, still thinking of Dom, freak out and back away. He looks hurt, but he knows that I'm in love with his brother. Upset, I run down the hall, up the stairs, and into our hotel room.
Ignoring my trouble to catch my breath, I run into the bathroom and on impulse start to fill the sink with cold water. When it's full, I take a deep breath and stick my head in. I let it all consume me, leaving me numb. Eventually I run out of breath and am forced to take my head out. Once I do I immediately feel better.
I blindedly grab a towel for my soaking-wet hair and dry it off--just enough that it'll stop dripping. I flip my head up--I feel so fresh, so new.
I walk out to lay on the bed and when I get there--there's Dom.
xx.
Monday, February 23, 2009
ummm....here 3
parte trois.
I go to the bathroom to get ready. I absentmindedly close the door; after peeking out again a few minutes later I see that he's getting dressed. I fight the urge to run over to him. Closing the door, I start to work on my boring brown hair.
After ten minutes of yanking and untangling with the flat iron I spent fifty bucks on, I'm finally ready. I saunter back into our room, getting ready to say something witty until I realize he's not in here. Thinking that he's in the lobby downstairs, I walk out and into the elevator. An instrumental Melissa Ethridge song is playing. Elevator music always irks me.
When the elevator door opens, I see a huge crowd of people, all talking amongst themselves with their backs turned to me. Some of the girls are in maroon cheerleader skirts with ripped white stockings underneath; most of the guys are wearing the ugliest red jerseys I've ever seen with putrid barf-color shorts. I see Dom in the crowd and I run over there to surprise him. I slap his ass playfully. Then I realize--
It's not Dom.
xx
I go to the bathroom to get ready. I absentmindedly close the door; after peeking out again a few minutes later I see that he's getting dressed. I fight the urge to run over to him. Closing the door, I start to work on my boring brown hair.
After ten minutes of yanking and untangling with the flat iron I spent fifty bucks on, I'm finally ready. I saunter back into our room, getting ready to say something witty until I realize he's not in here. Thinking that he's in the lobby downstairs, I walk out and into the elevator. An instrumental Melissa Ethridge song is playing. Elevator music always irks me.
When the elevator door opens, I see a huge crowd of people, all talking amongst themselves with their backs turned to me. Some of the girls are in maroon cheerleader skirts with ripped white stockings underneath; most of the guys are wearing the ugliest red jerseys I've ever seen with putrid barf-color shorts. I see Dom in the crowd and I run over there to surprise him. I slap his ass playfully. Then I realize--
It's not Dom.
xx
Friday, February 20, 2009
ummm here (II)
parte deux (II)
After playing X-Box till about 10 o'clock, he falls asleep. I turn off the TV and lay next to him on the bed, enjoying his presence. I think of tomorrow until I fall asleep too.
My dreams erupt. Mike, Chaz, Rob, all the guys on stage, playing their hearts out. Me and Dominic, dancing in a huge crowd of fans almost as crazy as we are. My heart racing, my ears going numb, then they play the last note....the crowd goes wild....
zzzzzzzzzzzz!!! My phone is vibrating in my jeans pocket. It's a text from my sister:
Sis: wake up! its noon...hows dom? missin his fam?
Moi: hes sleepin..im awake...idk we havent talked about it..
I look over at him. His short black hair is kind of messy...old, wrinkly LPU6 shirt...baggy dark jeans with dirt on the bottom. It all clashes with his brand-new Mike-created kicks. It always makes me smile when I think of how he sleeps in his shoes.
I watch him stir, waking up finally.
"Afternoon," I say, smirking as I catch his lips with a short but passionate kiss.
"Mmm....afternoon," he says after we part.
I smile. "Come on, we're meeting my sister and her fiance at the club in half an hour. And no, you don't have to dress up."
xx
After playing X-Box till about 10 o'clock, he falls asleep. I turn off the TV and lay next to him on the bed, enjoying his presence. I think of tomorrow until I fall asleep too.
My dreams erupt. Mike, Chaz, Rob, all the guys on stage, playing their hearts out. Me and Dominic, dancing in a huge crowd of fans almost as crazy as we are. My heart racing, my ears going numb, then they play the last note....the crowd goes wild....
zzzzzzzzzzzz!!! My phone is vibrating in my jeans pocket. It's a text from my sister:
Sis: wake up! its noon...hows dom? missin his fam?
Moi: hes sleepin..im awake...idk we havent talked about it..
I look over at him. His short black hair is kind of messy...old, wrinkly LPU6 shirt...baggy dark jeans with dirt on the bottom. It all clashes with his brand-new Mike-created kicks. It always makes me smile when I think of how he sleeps in his shoes.
I watch him stir, waking up finally.
"Afternoon," I say, smirking as I catch his lips with a short but passionate kiss.
"Mmm....afternoon," he says after we part.
I smile. "Come on, we're meeting my sister and her fiance at the club in half an hour. And no, you don't have to dress up."
xx
Thursday, February 19, 2009
ummm here.
Parte Une (I)
I wake up with a start from a deep sleep. I look at my sparkly guitar-alarm clock--5:07 AM. There is no way I'm getting up at this time. The time zone change is definitely getting to me--back in New York it'd be the normal time to wake up. I think of tomorrow--how it will be by far the greatest day of my life. I fall into a daydream;the crowd roaring, ears ringing from the insanely loud music, out of my mind emotional...
Stumbling back to reality, I realize that I should be asleep..and that my dream is still far away. I turn over on the creaky, ratty hotel bed i share with my boyfriend. He's still in a deep sleep until I just happen to yank on his baggy shirt. He stirs, and I say softly, "Go back to sleep..it's early." He turns over to face me and says, "I don't want to go back to sleep...I'm awake now." His eyes are gazing straight into mine.
I smile at his thoughts. "So...what do you want to do now that we're both awake?...." I let my voice trail off to see his reaction. His eyebrows are raised. Then I hit him with the zinger: "You wanna play X-Box?" I smirk at his reaction..disappointed, then excitement, then disappointment again.
"Okay...but I get to be the guy this time. I'm tired of the cheerleader...."
xx
I wake up with a start from a deep sleep. I look at my sparkly guitar-alarm clock--5:07 AM. There is no way I'm getting up at this time. The time zone change is definitely getting to me--back in New York it'd be the normal time to wake up. I think of tomorrow--how it will be by far the greatest day of my life. I fall into a daydream;the crowd roaring, ears ringing from the insanely loud music, out of my mind emotional...
Stumbling back to reality, I realize that I should be asleep..and that my dream is still far away. I turn over on the creaky, ratty hotel bed i share with my boyfriend. He's still in a deep sleep until I just happen to yank on his baggy shirt. He stirs, and I say softly, "Go back to sleep..it's early." He turns over to face me and says, "I don't want to go back to sleep...I'm awake now." His eyes are gazing straight into mine.
I smile at his thoughts. "So...what do you want to do now that we're both awake?...." I let my voice trail off to see his reaction. His eyebrows are raised. Then I hit him with the zinger: "You wanna play X-Box?" I smirk at his reaction..disappointed, then excitement, then disappointment again.
"Okay...but I get to be the guy this time. I'm tired of the cheerleader...."
xx
Friday, February 13, 2009
Session
"Late Night Locomotive"
when i said i needed u
i was lying
i can only imagine myself
without u
all in ur mind u think
u need me--i need u
bliss is what i have
ignorance is what u get
so stupid in ur ways
thoughtless--careless
needs no tomorrow because
today was "fabulous" as
u would put it
free as a bird in ur life
mine's more like the nest--
full of messes and little unwanted eggs
means nothing
never anything but u
when i said i needed u
i was lying
i can only imagine myself
without u
all in ur mind u think
u need me--i need u
bliss is what i have
ignorance is what u get
so stupid in ur ways
thoughtless--careless
needs no tomorrow because
today was "fabulous" as
u would put it
free as a bird in ur life
mine's more like the nest--
full of messes and little unwanted eggs
means nothing
never anything but u
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
nathaniel the gay guy is amazing. =]]
"WTF"
see what i did there
all night long i think of u
never dreaming, never sleeping
never need to really--
i live on the thought of your voice
well--and food and the
major necessities of life
but only those things--
you and food--and water
but mostly love
_________________________________
"Where the Fuck is my Medicine"
anxiety washes over me
no way i can stop this
i just can't help it--
it's me--the person i
always try to avoid
it always gets me in the end
_________________________________
"Eagle in the Night"
it's time to leave now
i don't want to go
my mind says yes
my body--hell no
i can't imagine losing you to this storm
i used to remember when you were so warm
i won't understand what it's like to just be
i'll never be able to just be free
i'm hearing my voice for the first time tonight
i can't say i like it--but it feels kinda nice
sometimes i think of what it used to be like
to love someone deeply--not ending with a knife
'cause you stabbed my back so long ago
you don't remember but i can tell you so
it hurt so bad--it cut so deep
i'll never be able to just be free
________________________________
"Doctor"
the truth is telling me to leave, to go
i always ask why but i never know
the feelings are like rain in the sea
nobody needs it or wants it--just me
this feeling i feel is beyond all beliefs
i never can remember why i feel it--maybe
it's telling my i need to change, to grow
high-pitched scream of the pager--time to go
those were all poems i wrote a few weeks ago when i was sick and hyper...i had just thrown up like 3 times and i was trying to work on my poem anthrology project for english...so there you go. and fyi, i'm not gonna put those up here because i hate them. =[[
see what i did there
all night long i think of u
never dreaming, never sleeping
never need to really--
i live on the thought of your voice
well--and food and the
major necessities of life
but only those things--
you and food--and water
but mostly love
_________________________________
"Where the Fuck is my Medicine"
anxiety washes over me
no way i can stop this
i just can't help it--
it's me--the person i
always try to avoid
it always gets me in the end
_________________________________
"Eagle in the Night"
it's time to leave now
i don't want to go
my mind says yes
my body--hell no
i can't imagine losing you to this storm
i used to remember when you were so warm
i won't understand what it's like to just be
i'll never be able to just be free
i'm hearing my voice for the first time tonight
i can't say i like it--but it feels kinda nice
sometimes i think of what it used to be like
to love someone deeply--not ending with a knife
'cause you stabbed my back so long ago
you don't remember but i can tell you so
it hurt so bad--it cut so deep
i'll never be able to just be free
________________________________
"Doctor"
the truth is telling me to leave, to go
i always ask why but i never know
the feelings are like rain in the sea
nobody needs it or wants it--just me
this feeling i feel is beyond all beliefs
i never can remember why i feel it--maybe
it's telling my i need to change, to grow
high-pitched scream of the pager--time to go
those were all poems i wrote a few weeks ago when i was sick and hyper...i had just thrown up like 3 times and i was trying to work on my poem anthrology project for english...so there you go. and fyi, i'm not gonna put those up here because i hate them. =[[
Thursday, February 5, 2009
The Big Bang Theory
Blur
damp alleyway
and a chilling winter breeze
pushing me away from you
and all the times we spend together
the time i could have spent away from you
with myself
my thoughts so true
my mind so messy
i mystified your lies
with my teeth so
hungry and ravenous
"i had a dream"
well i had a feeling
to get the hell away
from you and i was
right.
yeah. i know it sucks. but thats the point. bad=good. ^_^
damp alleyway
and a chilling winter breeze
pushing me away from you
and all the times we spend together
the time i could have spent away from you
with myself
my thoughts so true
my mind so messy
i mystified your lies
with my teeth so
hungry and ravenous
"i had a dream"
well i had a feeling
to get the hell away
from you and i was
right.
yeah. i know it sucks. but thats the point. bad=good. ^_^
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
MS Mixtape No. 1..pizzimp bizzitches....
poem #2...
Dreams in a Sleepless Night
listening to it
it smells so
fuchsia in the
scene of the crime
blindly babble
nonsense to a wall
crazed, concerned
confused about
time can be
close- still almost
no use to the brain
no use to the mind
using the ears as
it releases itself
it has done
^^big heart to jun..
Dreams in a Sleepless Night
listening to it
it smells so
fuchsia in the
scene of the crime
blindly babble
nonsense to a wall
crazed, concerned
confused about
time can be
close- still almost
no use to the brain
no use to the mind
using the ears as
it releases itself
it has done
^^big heart to jun..
watchin King of the Hill..eatin pie.... >.<
poem #1...wrote this today... =]]
rucksack glisten in the morning air
listening to the strength of the birds' voices
confident and swaggering,
tracing each other through the melody,
music so loud--so sweet
like buttery salty
popcorn--smell of
cheese and pretzels
ever so crafty--play it still
play it close--dead even match
flip of the camera-camera phone
nights so dreary
running, sprinting,
away from what the truth
made us--what our feelings
made you
disguised, disoriented,
dead wrong in ourselves.
xxpizzeace^^
rucksack glisten in the morning air
listening to the strength of the birds' voices
confident and swaggering,
tracing each other through the melody,
music so loud--so sweet
like buttery salty
popcorn--smell of
cheese and pretzels
ever so crafty--play it still
play it close--dead even match
flip of the camera-camera phone
nights so dreary
running, sprinting,
away from what the truth
made us--what our feelings
made you
disguised, disoriented,
dead wrong in ourselves.
xxpizzeace^^
welcome...
this is my 2nd blog here, for my poetry...cuz im that much of a geek. =]]
one thing u should know...most of the poetry i've written that i've shared here are all pretty much shitty random shit...things that i've written when im hyper, sad, anxious, or just regularly fucked up. enjoy. ^.^
one thing u should know...most of the poetry i've written that i've shared here are all pretty much shitty random shit...things that i've written when im hyper, sad, anxious, or just regularly fucked up. enjoy. ^.^
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