Ah, I do not miss Blogger. I have loads of other sites now...
Mike Shinoda FTW
My Personal Photo Blog
My Livejournal (Where I post my new story, All His Glory)
And...my LPFiction account. LPF has been kind of dead since Trash hacked it. Which sucks, I guess.
Who can forget my Twitter? Just thought I'd holler, even though no one reads this.
-All
Monday, November 2, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
II.
i went into the almost-bare living room of my pathetic little apartment and sat on the old couch. that couch had been with me through everything--when i told my parents i was, in fact, gay (much to their despair), when i came out to my brother, (he knew already. i was the biggest butch in town.)..so many memories. you could almost see it in the camouflage pattern. ugh, it was so old.
i figured i had just enough time to vent some thoughts--i grabbed the yellow notepad on the little table and a random pen i found between the cushions.
♪ "'what do i do to ignore them behind me? do i follow my instincts blindly? do i hide my pride from these bad dreams and give in to sad thoughts that are maddening? do i sit here and try to stand it? or do i try to catch them red-handed? do i trust some and get fooled my phoniness, or do i trust nobody and live in loneliness? because i can't hold on when i'm stretched so thin--i make the right moves but i'm lost within--i put on my daily facade but then--i just end up getting hurt again by myself..."'
at that moment there was a knock at the door. --*--
>>I opened it to find tommy standing there, all dressed up in jeans and a pink button down shirt.
“What’s cookin’ good lookin’?” he said as he pushed past me into the apartment. One thing you have to love about tommy—he’s confident. And has no sense of boundaries.
“What are you all dressed up for?” I asked, my eyebrow raised. He sat on the couch and looked around, finally looking at me.
“Damn, girl, you look like shit!” He shot up from the couch, looking me over, putting a hand on his hip in that gay-old way.
“Gee, thanks..so why are you dressed up?”
He looked at me like I was stupid. “Because we’re going to the club, hellooo?? Did you not check your voicemail?”
I looked at my phone, again. There was a text from Kim:
Hey, I can’t come over..car broke down. Main st.
I texted back, ok, we’ll come and get you..
I told Tommy the news and we got in the car to go pick her up.
“So..you did it again, huh?” he said, barely dodging a blue minivan, going about 65 down Main Street.
“Yeah..” There was no playing innocent; when Tommy knew, he knew. “This girl named Hannah dropped me off last night…and stayed over.”
He turned to look at me, running a red light. I freaked and swerved the wheel over so we didn’t hit the nice silver Mustang. “Dude, watch where you’re going!”
“You little whore!” he said, winking at me and smirking. “That’s my girl. How was she?”
I scowled. “All I remember of last night was some open-mouthed kissing and dry-humping..so not too well I suppose..” I had a flashback of us naked on the bed, grabbing each other desperately. I shook the image out of my head.
He laughed. “Ah, I’ve raised you so well.” He reached out and held my hand just as we pulled up next to Kim’s broken-down Civic. She got her infamous backpack that had about a thousand severely-opinionated buttons on it and hopped in the backseat.
“Ello guvna!” she said in her amazing (but fake) British accent. I turned around in the seat to give her a quick kiss before we took off. “So where are we headed?” she asked in her normal voice.
“The club!” Tommy said excitedly. I blushed, turning to look at her to see what she thinks. She shrugged her shoulders and looked out the window.
“Honey, if you don’t want to go, we can go somewhere else,” I said sweetly.
She looked back at me with puppy dog eyes. “I just don’t feel like going out tonight. Do you wanna go to the strip joint?”
I smiled. I love this girl. “Anything for you, my dear.”
i figured i had just enough time to vent some thoughts--i grabbed the yellow notepad on the little table and a random pen i found between the cushions.
♪ "'what do i do to ignore them behind me? do i follow my instincts blindly? do i hide my pride from these bad dreams and give in to sad thoughts that are maddening? do i sit here and try to stand it? or do i try to catch them red-handed? do i trust some and get fooled my phoniness, or do i trust nobody and live in loneliness? because i can't hold on when i'm stretched so thin--i make the right moves but i'm lost within--i put on my daily facade but then--i just end up getting hurt again by myself..."'
at that moment there was a knock at the door. --*--
>>I opened it to find tommy standing there, all dressed up in jeans and a pink button down shirt.
“What’s cookin’ good lookin’?” he said as he pushed past me into the apartment. One thing you have to love about tommy—he’s confident. And has no sense of boundaries.
“What are you all dressed up for?” I asked, my eyebrow raised. He sat on the couch and looked around, finally looking at me.
“Damn, girl, you look like shit!” He shot up from the couch, looking me over, putting a hand on his hip in that gay-old way.
“Gee, thanks..so why are you dressed up?”
He looked at me like I was stupid. “Because we’re going to the club, hellooo?? Did you not check your voicemail?”
I looked at my phone, again. There was a text from Kim:
Hey, I can’t come over..car broke down. Main st.
I texted back, ok, we’ll come and get you..
I told Tommy the news and we got in the car to go pick her up.
“So..you did it again, huh?” he said, barely dodging a blue minivan, going about 65 down Main Street.
“Yeah..” There was no playing innocent; when Tommy knew, he knew. “This girl named Hannah dropped me off last night…and stayed over.”
He turned to look at me, running a red light. I freaked and swerved the wheel over so we didn’t hit the nice silver Mustang. “Dude, watch where you’re going!”
“You little whore!” he said, winking at me and smirking. “That’s my girl. How was she?”
I scowled. “All I remember of last night was some open-mouthed kissing and dry-humping..so not too well I suppose..” I had a flashback of us naked on the bed, grabbing each other desperately. I shook the image out of my head.
He laughed. “Ah, I’ve raised you so well.” He reached out and held my hand just as we pulled up next to Kim’s broken-down Civic. She got her infamous backpack that had about a thousand severely-opinionated buttons on it and hopped in the backseat.
“Ello guvna!” she said in her amazing (but fake) British accent. I turned around in the seat to give her a quick kiss before we took off. “So where are we headed?” she asked in her normal voice.
“The club!” Tommy said excitedly. I blushed, turning to look at her to see what she thinks. She shrugged her shoulders and looked out the window.
“Honey, if you don’t want to go, we can go somewhere else,” I said sweetly.
She looked back at me with puppy dog eyes. “I just don’t feel like going out tonight. Do you wanna go to the strip joint?”
I smiled. I love this girl. “Anything for you, my dear.”
Monday, July 6, 2009
I.
♪ "'wake in a sweat again / another day's been laid to waste / in my disgrace / stuck in my head again / feels like I'll never leave this place / there's no escape / I'm my own worst enemy...'"
My eyes shot open. I felt my head start to pound. I looked around, wondering where I was that morning. I’d spent the night in the bathroom -again-. I got up on my elbows and looked around..puke on the sink, on the toilet, on my pants...i’d done it again.
I reached for my phone to see what time it was, only to find that I’d had 18 missed calls..16, of course, from Tommy, and 2 from Kim..i hoped she hadn't seen me like this. i turned the alarm off on my ipod and, figuring Tommy would call me back eventually, called Kim back.
as soon as she picked up, she started in.
"GOD DAMMIT LINDSEY!!" she screamed in my ear. my head pounded from the severe hang-over I had going on. "i tried calling you, what happened to you???"
Good .So she doesn't know. "i just fell asleep, take a chill pill. sheesh." i put the phone between my shoulder and my ear and tried to get up. i slipped on my puke and fell back down. then i felt the pain in my ankle...i looked down. It was bruised up and hurt like a mutha. i tried to remember what happened..i knew i went to the party--but not just any old party, -the- party. i remembered people handing me shots over and over again, just thrusting them in my hands like I'm some kind of garbage disposal for vodka..i remembered the dancing..all the people i grinded, who grinded against me...remembered making it back home..but how?..
Kim was still on the line--"hello?? linds? I'm coming over, I'll be there in five minutes, ok?"
shit. i mumbled something in response then started the shower and ripped off my puke-stained clothes. i jumped in, then immediately turned the water on freezing cold. i needed to wake up, to feel icy. i remembered it then..Tommy didn't drop me off..it was..what was her name?
then i heard the banging on the door. "hey!!! uhh...i don't know your name..lexis i think? anyway, i had fun last night, I'll call u ok?" then the voice disappeared and i heard the front door slam.
now i remembered---Hannah. she dropped me off--and stayed over? shit. of course...alcohol does do that to me..
i stepped out of the shower and tried to find some clean clothes. there were none, of course. i haven't done any laundry in about a month--i just keep buying new clothes. i found ones that don't smell like alcohol, cigarettes, or puke and put them on. i cleaned myself up and waited for Kim to get there.
<+-+>
My eyes shot open. I felt my head start to pound. I looked around, wondering where I was that morning. I’d spent the night in the bathroom -again-. I got up on my elbows and looked around..puke on the sink, on the toilet, on my pants...i’d done it again.
I reached for my phone to see what time it was, only to find that I’d had 18 missed calls..16, of course, from Tommy, and 2 from Kim..i hoped she hadn't seen me like this. i turned the alarm off on my ipod and, figuring Tommy would call me back eventually, called Kim back.
as soon as she picked up, she started in.
"GOD DAMMIT LINDSEY!!" she screamed in my ear. my head pounded from the severe hang-over I had going on. "i tried calling you, what happened to you???"
Good .So she doesn't know. "i just fell asleep, take a chill pill. sheesh." i put the phone between my shoulder and my ear and tried to get up. i slipped on my puke and fell back down. then i felt the pain in my ankle...i looked down. It was bruised up and hurt like a mutha. i tried to remember what happened..i knew i went to the party--but not just any old party, -the- party. i remembered people handing me shots over and over again, just thrusting them in my hands like I'm some kind of garbage disposal for vodka..i remembered the dancing..all the people i grinded, who grinded against me...remembered making it back home..but how?..
Kim was still on the line--"hello?? linds? I'm coming over, I'll be there in five minutes, ok?"
shit. i mumbled something in response then started the shower and ripped off my puke-stained clothes. i jumped in, then immediately turned the water on freezing cold. i needed to wake up, to feel icy. i remembered it then..Tommy didn't drop me off..it was..what was her name?
then i heard the banging on the door. "hey!!! uhh...i don't know your name..lexis i think? anyway, i had fun last night, I'll call u ok?" then the voice disappeared and i heard the front door slam.
now i remembered---Hannah. she dropped me off--and stayed over? shit. of course...alcohol does do that to me..
i stepped out of the shower and tried to find some clean clothes. there were none, of course. i haven't done any laundry in about a month--i just keep buying new clothes. i found ones that don't smell like alcohol, cigarettes, or puke and put them on. i cleaned myself up and waited for Kim to get there.
<+-+>
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
story..
parte sept
I tried to sit up but Mike pushed me back. Trying to figure out what happened, I figured that I had fainted at the sight of all of them in real life. The floor felt bumpy under me—Phoenix’s jacket was under my head. I looked around and found Mike on my right, followed by Dom, Kher, Chaz, Chester, Brad, Phoenix, Bourdy, and Joe. My cheeks felt like they were on fire. I was so sure I wouldn’t do anything as ridiculous as that.
“Sorry….” I said to no one in general.
“Honey, don’t worry about it,” Joe said. He smiled his beautiful smile. I looked at Dom; he looked relieved that I was okay, among many other emotions. I saw ecstasy in his eyes. Our dream had come true.
“Do you get that a lot?” Chaz asked Mike.
“Not….necessarily. But there’s a first time for everything!” Mike said. I beamed, over joyous. “So….”
“You guys really met on LPU?” Brad blurted out. Bourdy looked at him as though to say Dude, shut up!.
I looked at Dom. I figured I’d let him answer this one.
“Yeah…about six months ago. We’ve been talking, emailing back and forth, and when you guys had your summer tour in China, we took the chance. That was last summer; the first time we met….” His voice drifted off after that, like he was embarrassed.
I saw Chester blush and look down. I decided now would be the time to stand up (It had never occurred to me before then). I grabbed Dom’s hand for help. I caught Kher’s eyes; they were full of tears. Happy tears, I assumed. I stood awkwardly around all of them, feeling like it was all a dream.
“Let’s eat!” Joe exclaimed. “I’m freaking starving!”
Mike sighed. “Alright, let’s get in the van.”
All of us lined out to the hotel entrance and climbed on their tour bus. After a few exhausting minutes of silence, we arrived at the restaurant—McDonald’s.
“I didn’t even know they had a Mickey D’s in Britain!!” Kher said excitedly. I grinned.
We all climbed down from the tour bus, and I felt Dom reach to hold my hand. I looked at him and told the rest of them we’d catch up.
Dom and I walked around to the non-public side of McDonald’s. He turned to face me. “I love you.”
I thought I was going to pass out again. “Uh…Um..” I was astonished. “I love you too!” We kissed, sealed the deal, and headed back inside.
“Wait..” I said. “Can you believe this?? They actually heard our story!!”
“I know. It’s amazing. And it’s even more amazing now that I’m with you finally.” He looked down at his hands. “I remember all those lonely nights I sat in my dorm room, wanting to be with you. Just to see you. I would have done anything. And then when you called me for the first time…I cried, to be honest.” We laughed. “But…I just want you to know that I love you. And…”
“I know…I love you too. It’s the same with me—everything. Do you remember the first time we met? Last summer at the concert?” I asked.
“Yeah…”
“I knew I was in love with you the first time I saw you. We’d been talking back and forth forever it seemed like, and I still wasn’t sure. But as soon as the music started, I knew you were the one for me.”
“HEY SIS!! DOM!! WE’RE ORDERING, LET’S GO!!” Kher screamed out the door. We laughed and walked back into the restaurant.
xx
I tried to sit up but Mike pushed me back. Trying to figure out what happened, I figured that I had fainted at the sight of all of them in real life. The floor felt bumpy under me—Phoenix’s jacket was under my head. I looked around and found Mike on my right, followed by Dom, Kher, Chaz, Chester, Brad, Phoenix, Bourdy, and Joe. My cheeks felt like they were on fire. I was so sure I wouldn’t do anything as ridiculous as that.
“Sorry….” I said to no one in general.
“Honey, don’t worry about it,” Joe said. He smiled his beautiful smile. I looked at Dom; he looked relieved that I was okay, among many other emotions. I saw ecstasy in his eyes. Our dream had come true.
“Do you get that a lot?” Chaz asked Mike.
“Not….necessarily. But there’s a first time for everything!” Mike said. I beamed, over joyous. “So….”
“You guys really met on LPU?” Brad blurted out. Bourdy looked at him as though to say Dude, shut up!.
I looked at Dom. I figured I’d let him answer this one.
“Yeah…about six months ago. We’ve been talking, emailing back and forth, and when you guys had your summer tour in China, we took the chance. That was last summer; the first time we met….” His voice drifted off after that, like he was embarrassed.
I saw Chester blush and look down. I decided now would be the time to stand up (It had never occurred to me before then). I grabbed Dom’s hand for help. I caught Kher’s eyes; they were full of tears. Happy tears, I assumed. I stood awkwardly around all of them, feeling like it was all a dream.
“Let’s eat!” Joe exclaimed. “I’m freaking starving!”
Mike sighed. “Alright, let’s get in the van.”
All of us lined out to the hotel entrance and climbed on their tour bus. After a few exhausting minutes of silence, we arrived at the restaurant—McDonald’s.
“I didn’t even know they had a Mickey D’s in Britain!!” Kher said excitedly. I grinned.
We all climbed down from the tour bus, and I felt Dom reach to hold my hand. I looked at him and told the rest of them we’d catch up.
Dom and I walked around to the non-public side of McDonald’s. He turned to face me. “I love you.”
I thought I was going to pass out again. “Uh…Um..” I was astonished. “I love you too!” We kissed, sealed the deal, and headed back inside.
“Wait..” I said. “Can you believe this?? They actually heard our story!!”
“I know. It’s amazing. And it’s even more amazing now that I’m with you finally.” He looked down at his hands. “I remember all those lonely nights I sat in my dorm room, wanting to be with you. Just to see you. I would have done anything. And then when you called me for the first time…I cried, to be honest.” We laughed. “But…I just want you to know that I love you. And…”
“I know…I love you too. It’s the same with me—everything. Do you remember the first time we met? Last summer at the concert?” I asked.
“Yeah…”
“I knew I was in love with you the first time I saw you. We’d been talking back and forth forever it seemed like, and I still wasn’t sure. But as soon as the music started, I knew you were the one for me.”
“HEY SIS!! DOM!! WE’RE ORDERING, LET’S GO!!” Kher screamed out the door. We laughed and walked back into the restaurant.
xx
Sunday, April 12, 2009
new lyrks
they blow..(mike):::
So you think you've got the best of me//
Think that you have me on auto-pilot
A slave to your wishes, just to keep you here//
Carefree, you think you have me
When the truth of the matter is
You never came close//
My desire to be free will never end//
I just want you to know
What you've done to destroy my life
Will destroy yours too//
Disasterous//
Your desperate fear of me leaving
Has left you with nothing
Nothing but me//
And when I will have gone
You'll try to cut me out of your past//
But eternity will not wait
For your clusterfuck of a life//
You've doubted me for too long
Sharpening your knife for my back
But now it's time for the battle...
_________________________________________________
Candle wax dripping in the dead of your apartment
You shiver in the ninety degree weather
Thinking of the past//
Desperate for a changing future
You want to hold me close
I back away//
I don't need you here
I never will
Your misting lies have divided us//
You think you're so glorious
Desperate enough//
But hypocritical damage
Has done you in...
peace...a π
So you think you've got the best of me//
Think that you have me on auto-pilot
A slave to your wishes, just to keep you here//
Carefree, you think you have me
When the truth of the matter is
You never came close//
My desire to be free will never end//
I just want you to know
What you've done to destroy my life
Will destroy yours too//
Disasterous//
Your desperate fear of me leaving
Has left you with nothing
Nothing but me//
And when I will have gone
You'll try to cut me out of your past//
But eternity will not wait
For your clusterfuck of a life//
You've doubted me for too long
Sharpening your knife for my back
But now it's time for the battle...
_________________________________________________
Candle wax dripping in the dead of your apartment
You shiver in the ninety degree weather
Thinking of the past//
Desperate for a changing future
You want to hold me close
I back away//
I don't need you here
I never will
Your misting lies have divided us//
You think you're so glorious
Desperate enough//
But hypocritical damage
Has done you in...
peace...a π
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
~~random~~
not attached to the story at all.
I hope when you look back on your life//
You are bombarded by all the mistakes
That could have changed where you are today//
I know that the way you look at me now is unreal//
I watch your eyes glaze over
Like I'm not anything anymore
Just a burden in your
Oh-so-blissful life//
The poison you've caused
Seeps into your skin like venom
As you run from the pain//
Run from everything you've ever known,
Everything you were ever meant to be//
Run to your future, so near
But you can't reach it
Your mistakes have changed you, your path
Now it's the past that will set you free...
____
I know that when you walk into your empty house
You'll see that you're not the only one with feelings//
You'll sit on the piano bench, contemplating your blissless life//
Only to find that I'm the one you need//
You'll realize in your white-trash ways
That you've screwed me and everyone else you came in contact with//
Time is old//
It has outdone your tricks, your lies//
And you'll lie there on the cold, hard floor//
Desperately waiting, collecting dust//
Run down by suicidal thoughts
Devoted to no one but yourself//
And I know I'll be the one to pick you up once more...
xx
I hope when you look back on your life//
You are bombarded by all the mistakes
That could have changed where you are today//
I know that the way you look at me now is unreal//
I watch your eyes glaze over
Like I'm not anything anymore
Just a burden in your
Oh-so-blissful life//
The poison you've caused
Seeps into your skin like venom
As you run from the pain//
Run from everything you've ever known,
Everything you were ever meant to be//
Run to your future, so near
But you can't reach it
Your mistakes have changed you, your path
Now it's the past that will set you free...
____
I know that when you walk into your empty house
You'll see that you're not the only one with feelings//
You'll sit on the piano bench, contemplating your blissless life//
Only to find that I'm the one you need//
You'll realize in your white-trash ways
That you've screwed me and everyone else you came in contact with//
Time is old//
It has outdone your tricks, your lies//
And you'll lie there on the cold, hard floor//
Desperately waiting, collecting dust//
Run down by suicidal thoughts
Devoted to no one but yourself//
And I know I'll be the one to pick you up once more...
xx
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
not the story...don't look
im only doing this for my history class...cant open email in school.
leasing of government-owned oil reserves
http://encarta.msn.com/encyclopedia_761578596/Teapot_Dome.html
stuff about Albert Fall:
http://encarta.msn.com/encyclopedia_761565470/Albert_Fall.html
sorry guys...school stuff...
leasing of government-owned oil reserves
http://encarta.msn.com/encyclopedia_761578596/Teapot_Dome.html
stuff about Albert Fall:
http://encarta.msn.com/encyclopedia_761565470/Albert_Fall.html
sorry guys...school stuff...
Monday, March 9, 2009
long time...
parte six...
He leaned in for a kiss. All the troubles cleared from my mind. I felt his soft hands on the small of my back as our lips met. I ruffled my hands in his hair, forgiving and forgetting everything that had happened.
Then someone knocked on the door.
We ignored it at first, starting to move over to the bed. Then the person started banging on the door, screaming "DOM!!" We parted. He got up to answer the door. I sat on the bed and checked out his ass.
As soon as he opened the door, my sister, Kherington, and her fiance, Chaz, burst through the door, out of breath.
"They're here!!!!" Kher screamed, breathing heavily.
Dom and I exchanged confused glances. We looked at Chaz for some kind of clue. He was doubled over, trying to catch his breath.
I chose to take part in another of my sister's games. "Who's here?"
She stared at me in disbelief. "Who have we been waiting for this whole time WE'VE BEEN IN GOD DAMN LONDON???!"
Then it clicked. I turned to Dom, giggling and squealing, feeling incredulous. I saw him realize it too. We started jumping up and down and laughing.
"WHERE ARE THEY???!" I yelled at my sister without realizing it. My voice was high-pitched and squeaky. Dom laughed at how crazy we were acting.
"They're downstairs," Chaz said calmly. "Waiting for you all to get down there." He was still breathing hard. I was guessing that they'd taken the stairs to get here faster.
Dom and I screamed and ran out into the hall. We flew down the stairs and into the hotel lobby. And there was my dream waiting for me: Mike, Chaz, Rob, Joe, Brad, and Phoenix. All standing with their backs turned, talking. The edges of my sight started to turn black and I started to fall backwards. The next thing I knew, I was staring into Dom's eyes with Mike and Bourdy looking over me, worried looks on their faces. I felt my cheeks get hot. I couldn't believe I had fainted.
xx more comin'
He leaned in for a kiss. All the troubles cleared from my mind. I felt his soft hands on the small of my back as our lips met. I ruffled my hands in his hair, forgiving and forgetting everything that had happened.
Then someone knocked on the door.
We ignored it at first, starting to move over to the bed. Then the person started banging on the door, screaming "DOM!!" We parted. He got up to answer the door. I sat on the bed and checked out his ass.
As soon as he opened the door, my sister, Kherington, and her fiance, Chaz, burst through the door, out of breath.
"They're here!!!!" Kher screamed, breathing heavily.
Dom and I exchanged confused glances. We looked at Chaz for some kind of clue. He was doubled over, trying to catch his breath.
I chose to take part in another of my sister's games. "Who's here?"
She stared at me in disbelief. "Who have we been waiting for this whole time WE'VE BEEN IN GOD DAMN LONDON???!"
Then it clicked. I turned to Dom, giggling and squealing, feeling incredulous. I saw him realize it too. We started jumping up and down and laughing.
"WHERE ARE THEY???!" I yelled at my sister without realizing it. My voice was high-pitched and squeaky. Dom laughed at how crazy we were acting.
"They're downstairs," Chaz said calmly. "Waiting for you all to get down there." He was still breathing hard. I was guessing that they'd taken the stairs to get here faster.
Dom and I screamed and ran out into the hall. We flew down the stairs and into the hotel lobby. And there was my dream waiting for me: Mike, Chaz, Rob, Joe, Brad, and Phoenix. All standing with their backs turned, talking. The edges of my sight started to turn black and I started to fall backwards. The next thing I knew, I was staring into Dom's eyes with Mike and Bourdy looking over me, worried looks on their faces. I felt my cheeks get hot. I couldn't believe I had fainted.
xx more comin'
Thursday, February 26, 2009
ivreal.ning.com
parte cinq
There was Dom. In a tux holding a rose. And he looked different--
It was then that I realized that he got his cheek pierced. And it was hot.
"Wh-....how-....wh-?" I stammered in shock.
"I thought you might like it....you always talk about that Victor guy with his lip pierced...I just thought you would like it.."
"I-...I do.." I said. I was trying really hard not to run over and jump on him. "Wow....is that where you were?" I was dazed.
"Yeah...and I'm really sorry about that. It was the only time I had before the concert tomorrow..." He looked like he felt bad about not telling me.
Then I remember that Nik is downstairs. And also what happened between us.
"And why is--?"
"Nik here?" It was now obvious he felt bad. "Yeah...he's moving here to be an artist. He called me when I was on my way to the piercing shop, and I told him he could stay in our room tonight. As long as you don't mind, of course." He knew I was still awkward with him.
There was a long pause. A little part of me wanted to be angry at him for leaving like that. For not warning me that Nik was here, at the hotel. But I couldn't be mad at him. Not with all that we've been through...meeting on LPU...meeting each other for the first time when Linkin Park was playing at the Summer Sonic Festival in Tokyo. I just couldn't do it.
"Yeah....that's fine...."
"Are you mad?" he asked, his eyes looking straight into mine passionately.
"I want to be..." I felt distant. I knew I had to tell him about Nik. "I saw Nik in the lobby....we talked..." I noticed he was hanging on my every word, expecting the worst. "He made a move on me." I saw his eyes glaze over, then he looked relieved.
He got up from the bed. I felt a cold drop of water drip down my neck from my mini-bath earlier. Instinctively I shiver. I couldn't read his face. "Really? I figured he would..." There was an awkward silence. He moved closer, taking both my hands in his. "Are you okay?"
I looked him up and down, taking in his amazing new piercing. I grinned. "Yeah..I'll be....fine."
xx
There was Dom. In a tux holding a rose. And he looked different--
It was then that I realized that he got his cheek pierced. And it was hot.
"Wh-....how-....wh-?" I stammered in shock.
"I thought you might like it....you always talk about that Victor guy with his lip pierced...I just thought you would like it.."
"I-...I do.." I said. I was trying really hard not to run over and jump on him. "Wow....is that where you were?" I was dazed.
"Yeah...and I'm really sorry about that. It was the only time I had before the concert tomorrow..." He looked like he felt bad about not telling me.
Then I remember that Nik is downstairs. And also what happened between us.
"And why is--?"
"Nik here?" It was now obvious he felt bad. "Yeah...he's moving here to be an artist. He called me when I was on my way to the piercing shop, and I told him he could stay in our room tonight. As long as you don't mind, of course." He knew I was still awkward with him.
There was a long pause. A little part of me wanted to be angry at him for leaving like that. For not warning me that Nik was here, at the hotel. But I couldn't be mad at him. Not with all that we've been through...meeting on LPU...meeting each other for the first time when Linkin Park was playing at the Summer Sonic Festival in Tokyo. I just couldn't do it.
"Yeah....that's fine...."
"Are you mad?" he asked, his eyes looking straight into mine passionately.
"I want to be..." I felt distant. I knew I had to tell him about Nik. "I saw Nik in the lobby....we talked..." I noticed he was hanging on my every word, expecting the worst. "He made a move on me." I saw his eyes glaze over, then he looked relieved.
He got up from the bed. I felt a cold drop of water drip down my neck from my mini-bath earlier. Instinctively I shiver. I couldn't read his face. "Really? I figured he would..." There was an awkward silence. He moved closer, taking both my hands in his. "Are you okay?"
I looked him up and down, taking in his amazing new piercing. I grinned. "Yeah..I'll be....fine."
xx
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
ummm here 4 (IV)
parte quatre.
The guy turns around. My mind is screaming MAYDAY MAYDAY. I feel my cheeks burn; I know they're almost to their brilliant shade of EMBARRASSED. I look at him....he looks oddly familiar...
"NIK??!" I half-scream, half whisper in surprise. It's Dom's brother. But more importantly, my ex. "What-What are you doing here?? I haven't seen you since...well...you know..."
He chuckles. Then he frowns. "Where's Dom?" he asks, like I would know.
"I'm not sure...I figured he'd be down here. He wasn't up in our hotel room..." I'm starting to get worried. Or if he's okay, irate.
Nik and I wait around, making small talk. One of the many things I haven't mastered in my twenty years.
"...So then I was like, why did he do that? The bear was right there!" Nik says, laughing so hard the cheap wine in a styrofoam cup spills on his shoes. I laugh, even though I missed the story line. I was thinking about Dom. And how he would think about all of this.
Then it happens. He leans in for a kiss. I, still thinking of Dom, freak out and back away. He looks hurt, but he knows that I'm in love with his brother. Upset, I run down the hall, up the stairs, and into our hotel room.
Ignoring my trouble to catch my breath, I run into the bathroom and on impulse start to fill the sink with cold water. When it's full, I take a deep breath and stick my head in. I let it all consume me, leaving me numb. Eventually I run out of breath and am forced to take my head out. Once I do I immediately feel better.
I blindedly grab a towel for my soaking-wet hair and dry it off--just enough that it'll stop dripping. I flip my head up--I feel so fresh, so new.
I walk out to lay on the bed and when I get there--there's Dom.
xx.
The guy turns around. My mind is screaming MAYDAY MAYDAY. I feel my cheeks burn; I know they're almost to their brilliant shade of EMBARRASSED. I look at him....he looks oddly familiar...
"NIK??!" I half-scream, half whisper in surprise. It's Dom's brother. But more importantly, my ex. "What-What are you doing here?? I haven't seen you since...well...you know..."
He chuckles. Then he frowns. "Where's Dom?" he asks, like I would know.
"I'm not sure...I figured he'd be down here. He wasn't up in our hotel room..." I'm starting to get worried. Or if he's okay, irate.
Nik and I wait around, making small talk. One of the many things I haven't mastered in my twenty years.
"...So then I was like, why did he do that? The bear was right there!" Nik says, laughing so hard the cheap wine in a styrofoam cup spills on his shoes. I laugh, even though I missed the story line. I was thinking about Dom. And how he would think about all of this.
Then it happens. He leans in for a kiss. I, still thinking of Dom, freak out and back away. He looks hurt, but he knows that I'm in love with his brother. Upset, I run down the hall, up the stairs, and into our hotel room.
Ignoring my trouble to catch my breath, I run into the bathroom and on impulse start to fill the sink with cold water. When it's full, I take a deep breath and stick my head in. I let it all consume me, leaving me numb. Eventually I run out of breath and am forced to take my head out. Once I do I immediately feel better.
I blindedly grab a towel for my soaking-wet hair and dry it off--just enough that it'll stop dripping. I flip my head up--I feel so fresh, so new.
I walk out to lay on the bed and when I get there--there's Dom.
xx.
Monday, February 23, 2009
ummm....here 3
parte trois.
I go to the bathroom to get ready. I absentmindedly close the door; after peeking out again a few minutes later I see that he's getting dressed. I fight the urge to run over to him. Closing the door, I start to work on my boring brown hair.
After ten minutes of yanking and untangling with the flat iron I spent fifty bucks on, I'm finally ready. I saunter back into our room, getting ready to say something witty until I realize he's not in here. Thinking that he's in the lobby downstairs, I walk out and into the elevator. An instrumental Melissa Ethridge song is playing. Elevator music always irks me.
When the elevator door opens, I see a huge crowd of people, all talking amongst themselves with their backs turned to me. Some of the girls are in maroon cheerleader skirts with ripped white stockings underneath; most of the guys are wearing the ugliest red jerseys I've ever seen with putrid barf-color shorts. I see Dom in the crowd and I run over there to surprise him. I slap his ass playfully. Then I realize--
It's not Dom.
xx
I go to the bathroom to get ready. I absentmindedly close the door; after peeking out again a few minutes later I see that he's getting dressed. I fight the urge to run over to him. Closing the door, I start to work on my boring brown hair.
After ten minutes of yanking and untangling with the flat iron I spent fifty bucks on, I'm finally ready. I saunter back into our room, getting ready to say something witty until I realize he's not in here. Thinking that he's in the lobby downstairs, I walk out and into the elevator. An instrumental Melissa Ethridge song is playing. Elevator music always irks me.
When the elevator door opens, I see a huge crowd of people, all talking amongst themselves with their backs turned to me. Some of the girls are in maroon cheerleader skirts with ripped white stockings underneath; most of the guys are wearing the ugliest red jerseys I've ever seen with putrid barf-color shorts. I see Dom in the crowd and I run over there to surprise him. I slap his ass playfully. Then I realize--
It's not Dom.
xx
Friday, February 20, 2009
ummm here (II)
parte deux (II)
After playing X-Box till about 10 o'clock, he falls asleep. I turn off the TV and lay next to him on the bed, enjoying his presence. I think of tomorrow until I fall asleep too.
My dreams erupt. Mike, Chaz, Rob, all the guys on stage, playing their hearts out. Me and Dominic, dancing in a huge crowd of fans almost as crazy as we are. My heart racing, my ears going numb, then they play the last note....the crowd goes wild....
zzzzzzzzzzzz!!! My phone is vibrating in my jeans pocket. It's a text from my sister:
Sis: wake up! its noon...hows dom? missin his fam?
Moi: hes sleepin..im awake...idk we havent talked about it..
I look over at him. His short black hair is kind of messy...old, wrinkly LPU6 shirt...baggy dark jeans with dirt on the bottom. It all clashes with his brand-new Mike-created kicks. It always makes me smile when I think of how he sleeps in his shoes.
I watch him stir, waking up finally.
"Afternoon," I say, smirking as I catch his lips with a short but passionate kiss.
"Mmm....afternoon," he says after we part.
I smile. "Come on, we're meeting my sister and her fiance at the club in half an hour. And no, you don't have to dress up."
xx
After playing X-Box till about 10 o'clock, he falls asleep. I turn off the TV and lay next to him on the bed, enjoying his presence. I think of tomorrow until I fall asleep too.
My dreams erupt. Mike, Chaz, Rob, all the guys on stage, playing their hearts out. Me and Dominic, dancing in a huge crowd of fans almost as crazy as we are. My heart racing, my ears going numb, then they play the last note....the crowd goes wild....
zzzzzzzzzzzz!!! My phone is vibrating in my jeans pocket. It's a text from my sister:
Sis: wake up! its noon...hows dom? missin his fam?
Moi: hes sleepin..im awake...idk we havent talked about it..
I look over at him. His short black hair is kind of messy...old, wrinkly LPU6 shirt...baggy dark jeans with dirt on the bottom. It all clashes with his brand-new Mike-created kicks. It always makes me smile when I think of how he sleeps in his shoes.
I watch him stir, waking up finally.
"Afternoon," I say, smirking as I catch his lips with a short but passionate kiss.
"Mmm....afternoon," he says after we part.
I smile. "Come on, we're meeting my sister and her fiance at the club in half an hour. And no, you don't have to dress up."
xx
Thursday, February 19, 2009
ummm here.
Parte Une (I)
I wake up with a start from a deep sleep. I look at my sparkly guitar-alarm clock--5:07 AM. There is no way I'm getting up at this time. The time zone change is definitely getting to me--back in New York it'd be the normal time to wake up. I think of tomorrow--how it will be by far the greatest day of my life. I fall into a daydream;the crowd roaring, ears ringing from the insanely loud music, out of my mind emotional...
Stumbling back to reality, I realize that I should be asleep..and that my dream is still far away. I turn over on the creaky, ratty hotel bed i share with my boyfriend. He's still in a deep sleep until I just happen to yank on his baggy shirt. He stirs, and I say softly, "Go back to sleep..it's early." He turns over to face me and says, "I don't want to go back to sleep...I'm awake now." His eyes are gazing straight into mine.
I smile at his thoughts. "So...what do you want to do now that we're both awake?...." I let my voice trail off to see his reaction. His eyebrows are raised. Then I hit him with the zinger: "You wanna play X-Box?" I smirk at his reaction..disappointed, then excitement, then disappointment again.
"Okay...but I get to be the guy this time. I'm tired of the cheerleader...."
xx
I wake up with a start from a deep sleep. I look at my sparkly guitar-alarm clock--5:07 AM. There is no way I'm getting up at this time. The time zone change is definitely getting to me--back in New York it'd be the normal time to wake up. I think of tomorrow--how it will be by far the greatest day of my life. I fall into a daydream;the crowd roaring, ears ringing from the insanely loud music, out of my mind emotional...
Stumbling back to reality, I realize that I should be asleep..and that my dream is still far away. I turn over on the creaky, ratty hotel bed i share with my boyfriend. He's still in a deep sleep until I just happen to yank on his baggy shirt. He stirs, and I say softly, "Go back to sleep..it's early." He turns over to face me and says, "I don't want to go back to sleep...I'm awake now." His eyes are gazing straight into mine.
I smile at his thoughts. "So...what do you want to do now that we're both awake?...." I let my voice trail off to see his reaction. His eyebrows are raised. Then I hit him with the zinger: "You wanna play X-Box?" I smirk at his reaction..disappointed, then excitement, then disappointment again.
"Okay...but I get to be the guy this time. I'm tired of the cheerleader...."
xx
Friday, February 13, 2009
Session
"Late Night Locomotive"
when i said i needed u
i was lying
i can only imagine myself
without u
all in ur mind u think
u need me--i need u
bliss is what i have
ignorance is what u get
so stupid in ur ways
thoughtless--careless
needs no tomorrow because
today was "fabulous" as
u would put it
free as a bird in ur life
mine's more like the nest--
full of messes and little unwanted eggs
means nothing
never anything but u
when i said i needed u
i was lying
i can only imagine myself
without u
all in ur mind u think
u need me--i need u
bliss is what i have
ignorance is what u get
so stupid in ur ways
thoughtless--careless
needs no tomorrow because
today was "fabulous" as
u would put it
free as a bird in ur life
mine's more like the nest--
full of messes and little unwanted eggs
means nothing
never anything but u
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
nathaniel the gay guy is amazing. =]]
"WTF"
see what i did there
all night long i think of u
never dreaming, never sleeping
never need to really--
i live on the thought of your voice
well--and food and the
major necessities of life
but only those things--
you and food--and water
but mostly love
_________________________________
"Where the Fuck is my Medicine"
anxiety washes over me
no way i can stop this
i just can't help it--
it's me--the person i
always try to avoid
it always gets me in the end
_________________________________
"Eagle in the Night"
it's time to leave now
i don't want to go
my mind says yes
my body--hell no
i can't imagine losing you to this storm
i used to remember when you were so warm
i won't understand what it's like to just be
i'll never be able to just be free
i'm hearing my voice for the first time tonight
i can't say i like it--but it feels kinda nice
sometimes i think of what it used to be like
to love someone deeply--not ending with a knife
'cause you stabbed my back so long ago
you don't remember but i can tell you so
it hurt so bad--it cut so deep
i'll never be able to just be free
________________________________
"Doctor"
the truth is telling me to leave, to go
i always ask why but i never know
the feelings are like rain in the sea
nobody needs it or wants it--just me
this feeling i feel is beyond all beliefs
i never can remember why i feel it--maybe
it's telling my i need to change, to grow
high-pitched scream of the pager--time to go
those were all poems i wrote a few weeks ago when i was sick and hyper...i had just thrown up like 3 times and i was trying to work on my poem anthrology project for english...so there you go. and fyi, i'm not gonna put those up here because i hate them. =[[
see what i did there
all night long i think of u
never dreaming, never sleeping
never need to really--
i live on the thought of your voice
well--and food and the
major necessities of life
but only those things--
you and food--and water
but mostly love
_________________________________
"Where the Fuck is my Medicine"
anxiety washes over me
no way i can stop this
i just can't help it--
it's me--the person i
always try to avoid
it always gets me in the end
_________________________________
"Eagle in the Night"
it's time to leave now
i don't want to go
my mind says yes
my body--hell no
i can't imagine losing you to this storm
i used to remember when you were so warm
i won't understand what it's like to just be
i'll never be able to just be free
i'm hearing my voice for the first time tonight
i can't say i like it--but it feels kinda nice
sometimes i think of what it used to be like
to love someone deeply--not ending with a knife
'cause you stabbed my back so long ago
you don't remember but i can tell you so
it hurt so bad--it cut so deep
i'll never be able to just be free
________________________________
"Doctor"
the truth is telling me to leave, to go
i always ask why but i never know
the feelings are like rain in the sea
nobody needs it or wants it--just me
this feeling i feel is beyond all beliefs
i never can remember why i feel it--maybe
it's telling my i need to change, to grow
high-pitched scream of the pager--time to go
those were all poems i wrote a few weeks ago when i was sick and hyper...i had just thrown up like 3 times and i was trying to work on my poem anthrology project for english...so there you go. and fyi, i'm not gonna put those up here because i hate them. =[[
Thursday, February 5, 2009
The Big Bang Theory
Blur
damp alleyway
and a chilling winter breeze
pushing me away from you
and all the times we spend together
the time i could have spent away from you
with myself
my thoughts so true
my mind so messy
i mystified your lies
with my teeth so
hungry and ravenous
"i had a dream"
well i had a feeling
to get the hell away
from you and i was
right.
yeah. i know it sucks. but thats the point. bad=good. ^_^
damp alleyway
and a chilling winter breeze
pushing me away from you
and all the times we spend together
the time i could have spent away from you
with myself
my thoughts so true
my mind so messy
i mystified your lies
with my teeth so
hungry and ravenous
"i had a dream"
well i had a feeling
to get the hell away
from you and i was
right.
yeah. i know it sucks. but thats the point. bad=good. ^_^
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
MS Mixtape No. 1..pizzimp bizzitches....
poem #2...
Dreams in a Sleepless Night
listening to it
it smells so
fuchsia in the
scene of the crime
blindly babble
nonsense to a wall
crazed, concerned
confused about
time can be
close- still almost
no use to the brain
no use to the mind
using the ears as
it releases itself
it has done
^^big heart to jun..
Dreams in a Sleepless Night
listening to it
it smells so
fuchsia in the
scene of the crime
blindly babble
nonsense to a wall
crazed, concerned
confused about
time can be
close- still almost
no use to the brain
no use to the mind
using the ears as
it releases itself
it has done
^^big heart to jun..
watchin King of the Hill..eatin pie.... >.<
poem #1...wrote this today... =]]
rucksack glisten in the morning air
listening to the strength of the birds' voices
confident and swaggering,
tracing each other through the melody,
music so loud--so sweet
like buttery salty
popcorn--smell of
cheese and pretzels
ever so crafty--play it still
play it close--dead even match
flip of the camera-camera phone
nights so dreary
running, sprinting,
away from what the truth
made us--what our feelings
made you
disguised, disoriented,
dead wrong in ourselves.
xxpizzeace^^
rucksack glisten in the morning air
listening to the strength of the birds' voices
confident and swaggering,
tracing each other through the melody,
music so loud--so sweet
like buttery salty
popcorn--smell of
cheese and pretzels
ever so crafty--play it still
play it close--dead even match
flip of the camera-camera phone
nights so dreary
running, sprinting,
away from what the truth
made us--what our feelings
made you
disguised, disoriented,
dead wrong in ourselves.
xxpizzeace^^
welcome...
this is my 2nd blog here, for my poetry...cuz im that much of a geek. =]]
one thing u should know...most of the poetry i've written that i've shared here are all pretty much shitty random shit...things that i've written when im hyper, sad, anxious, or just regularly fucked up. enjoy. ^.^
one thing u should know...most of the poetry i've written that i've shared here are all pretty much shitty random shit...things that i've written when im hyper, sad, anxious, or just regularly fucked up. enjoy. ^.^
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